


Five, Four, Five

by UntoldMuse



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, But it is dark at the end, Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, This is my attempt at being dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-17 08:05:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UntoldMuse/pseuds/UntoldMuse
Summary: The original name for this was Shiro Just Generally Has a Bad Time (tm)I just...just wanted to see Shiro suffer to be honest.And for Keith to be a good friend/boyfriend who wants to help him.However please mind the tags.





	Five, Four, Five

Shiro sank into his bed, wiping teary eyes with the back of his hand.

Shiro suffered through breakfast with the team, fighting back any sign of his discomfort in front of them. His body ached from head to toe, and his muscles contracted painfully. His skin bristled against his shirtsleeves, sensitive to the gentles of touches. It drove him crazy, the itchy heat radiating through his skin. Even Shiro’s bones felt like giving out.

He tried to be tough, but he couldn’t hold out. His nerves were alight-overstimulated and irritating. It only took one particularly painful burst to send him over the edge. Shiro smacked his fist against the table, startling everyone. He left abruptly, citing some excuse to keep the team from following.

He trudged down the castle halls until he returned to his room, trying to regain his composure. Shiro sank into his bed, wiping teary eyes with the back of his hand, then he unleashed. He grabbed his pillow and pressing it to his face, tried to stifle the sounds of crying. But the pain was too much.

Shiro screwed his eyes shut, shaking from head to toe. He tried doing a breathing routine the doctor told him to use whenever his disease flared up.

_Inhale five seconds hold four seconds, exhale five seconds._

_Inhale five seconds hold four seconds, exhale five seconds._

It worked a little, but not for long. Only for a moment or two.

Shiro pressed his hand to his abdomen, not feeling the exhale escape from his lungs. Shiro hunched over, realizing he couldn’t breathe _out._ His stomach was knotted up so tightly he couldn’t do it-

He couldn’t-

He-

Panicking, Shiro kicked the wall surrounding his bed with both feet.

He had to do something- _Anything!_

He needed to breathe!

Shiro was going to pass out all because his stupid lungs couldn’t cooperate. _“Come on come on come on!”_ He mentally shrieked.

Suddenly someone burst through the door into his room.

“Shiro?!”  Exclaimed Keith.  He rushed over to Shiro’s side, wondering what the hell was wrong with him. “Shiro-what happened!”

Shiro wrapped his hands around his neck in the universal symbol for choking. Keith rolled him onto his back and opened Shiro’s mouth, taking a deep breath before blowing the air into his mouth.

Keith had learned CPR at the garrison, but he’d never had to use those skills until now. He repeated the process a couple more times, before finally Shiro gasped.

He blew out the air and inhaled sharply…Finally breathing on his own again.

 Shiro stared ashamedly at Keith, while trying to catch his breath again. The scare of suffocating slowly subsided, leaving him right back where he started with the pain. He rolled over and covered his face. Keith just knelt there beside the bed, unmoving and uncertain what to do.

 “Shiro?” He asked, and tenderly slid his hand along Shiro’s arm. “Are you…you doing okay now?” Shiro shivered.

 “I-I don’t know…I never meant for you to see me like… _this._ ” He replied.

Keith crawled up onto the bed, laying still on his back beside Shiro.  “You mind if I stay here?” He asked. Shiro made no move to get rid of him, so Keith took it as a yes.

Silence surrounded them for a few minutes. Shiro calmed down-even though the pain was still intense as ever. He shuddered a few times, trying not to cry in front of Keith. _“Dear god I’m pathetic, it’s not even that bad-I’ve had worse.”_ Shiro berated himself.

A vision of being strapped to a metal table aboard the Galra prison ship flashed before his eyes. He remembered the pain-

The terror.

The despair.

The tears streamed silently down his cheeks, and this time, Shiro let them fall. Pretense be damned. Keith was the _only_ person on the ship that Shiro could allow to see him like this-so weak-so _broken._

_“It’s only Keith,”_ Thought Shiro. He wrapped his arms around himself, a crude mock of a hug-something he’d done a million times in prison.

“Shiro, it’s okay. You don’t have to be strong all the time. I know you like to be in control of things, but…it’s okay if you’re not for a little bit.” Keith reassured. He reached out and gently grabbed Shiro’s shoulder. “I’m here, you know.”

Shiro rolled over, staring Keith in the face. He knew he looked disgusting, bags under his eyes and tear stains-but Keith didn’t say anything. He reached out, softly brushing his gloved hands along Shiro’s jawbone.

“I’m here.” He reiterated.

“Thank you, Keith.” Shiro replied.

In an unexpected gesture, Keith grabbed Shiro with both arms, holding the older man tight. The top of his head fit perfectly under Shiro’s chin, and Keith’s soft black hair tickled his neck. Shiro almost pushed away, but he forced himself to relax into Keith’s embrace after a brief adjustment.

Shiro closed his eyes, holding Keith back with the same tenderness.

_“I hate myself, I hate this arm, I hate being like this.”_ He thought. _“But I don’t hate Keith…I love Keith.”_

With Keith, the fear went away.

With Keith, the pain became bearable again.

_“Keith…”_

 

* * *

 

 

**Bonus, I guess....**

 

 

 

_Tighter...TIGHTER…A little more-_

 

_Release._

 

At first, that’s all Shiro wanted.

In a grim moment of discovery, he’d learned that pushing himself physically to the brink could shut up the voices in his head-could make him forget everything for a little while.

He achieved that mental freedom by exercise primarily. He trained at any available moment, sparing with the training dummies or Keith. He did push-ups and squats in his room, or swam laps in the castle’s pool. (When he could find the damn thing)

But that wasn’t quite enough.

Shiro had a front to maintain for the team. He was their leader, the steady voice of reason in any terrible situation. He was-

He was-

Weak.

Exhausted.

 

And so that’s how he found himself on the bed in his room, with a belt wrapped around his neck.

This time he’d bolted the door shut and pushed a chair in front of it, not leaving it to chance that one of the other paladins would burst in.

Shiro pulled belt tighter, notching it a little tighter. He could take another couple of notches before he had to breathe. He pulled the belt with both hands, _“Come on-come on…”_

He grunted-turning into a strangled gasp. Black spots swam in his vision-Shiro pulled more.

The whole world turned black… _”Finally.”_

Shiro passed out.

Descending into bliss,

Away from pain and noises.

Away from responsibilities.


End file.
